Please understand this is only my somewhat warped observations on my situation. My feeling is that others might view this very differently, but there again everyone is different. Worth made his own feelings and thoughts quite clear and I hope to do the same.
I would say to those who would like to be helpful, there is no time when your bereaved friend will not be glad of company. She/he does not wish to be alone with their grief, does not wish wallow in sadness, contemplate the awfulness of their situation, in fact have any free moments in which their mind can wander. Keep them busy, be a nuisance, to the point where they are glad of some time alone. Most of all offer them company and food. To cook and eat a meal alone can be unbearable.
Tears are a very necessary part of the process. For me they are and always have been a release valve so be happy to watch and let them flow. Yes, she will look awful because she will go blotchy and speckled but that’s how it is. This is not the movies.
The oddest things will set her off. For me it is Waitrose. I have spent so long trying to tempt the palate of one who has been seriously off his food for a long time, that to go up the fruit juice isle and realise I don’t need his “juicy” any more breaks my heart. No peaches, chocolate puddings, crunchies, Frosties, CocoPops, hot chocolate, soup – all things that have at different times been his hankerings, now no longer required.
Saudade – the love that remains after someone is gone. Not groovy today.